I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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