is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
