Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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