He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
