We're facebook friends in real life
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
