going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
