um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
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She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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