oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize