She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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