I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I sprained my soul last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
