worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
