her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
