And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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