maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
