I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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