I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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