To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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