you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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