so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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