is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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