Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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