It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
