I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
