I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
