so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i now understand why vodka
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