This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
