Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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