I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
