my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Alive.
So much puke
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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