Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize