He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can text with my tongue
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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