You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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