I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
