It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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