By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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