I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
