I think my fart just growled at me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
