fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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