You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
