I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize