i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
