I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
