I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize