anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize