im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
