no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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