listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
