i don't like sucking hair
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Please don't give away my fajitas
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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