K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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