3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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