Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
