Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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