What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
