My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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