I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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