I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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