just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
