Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
